Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Sadness Falls On Me!!!!

I wish that I can be stronger than this. F*cking shit this feeling!!! I can't understand myself! I just want to slap myself and shout at myself "WAKE UP, WANIE!!!!" But I know...and maybe you know... that I am not that strong. I am too weak... Maybe a baby is stronger than me. When I am sad, I will cry... When I am mad, I will cry... All my life is about crying!!!

I am hurt. I am wounded. I am injured... You can't see it on the surface of my skin. Coz it is bleeding inside of me! And it takes a long time and patient to clot it back. I wish that I just can put some medicines to cure it but I can't! This is about feeling... everyone has they own cures. Me? My cure is to cry...

I always say to myself... "Stand up la Wanie! You are f*cking too weak!!! Stop being crybaby and face the music!!! You are grown up girl! So, be matured and be brave!!! Don't be such a chicken and cry when there is something hurts you!!!" But each time I said that... I will cry because I am angry to myself...

How could I understand anyone else when I also cannot understand myself??? And just know I saw his profile... my picture has gone... Gone to where??? Maybe to hell! I wish to be alone this few days... but I know... I will say 'Hi' to him end of this day... Why? Coz I am too in love with him... :-(